So today a friend of mine posted the following on my wall on facebook:
I was wondering if you could talk about the actual price ($$) of going natural. I have not had a relaxer since March of last year and I still have not worn my afro out because I do not know what it is going to do and I do not understand all of the steps that go into maintaining it. Plus I'm scared that i will look crazy cause my hair isn't as long as I want it to be yet. It has taken me 2 years to find the right regimen for my weave and how to best maintain it. I do not want to spend that long trying to find what works best for my natural hair and I would hate to damage it more and risk having to start all the way over again. I'm also debating if I actually want to wear my natural hair out opposed to sew-ins because I spend a crap ton of money ($2-400) on a sew in that will only last for 2 months or so. And Im never sure if my real hair is getting damaged in the process because I cant actually moisturize my hair the way it should be without the weave looking greasy.
I will admit that I was a little overwhelmed because I didn't know exactly how to address her questions. I could see that she was obviously frustrated with her hair & I wasn't sure if I could find the right words to calm her fears. But when I sat in front of my laptop, the answers seemed to just come easily. I hope that some of y'all will find my response useful as well & if you feel as if you can add to my response or even answer better, please comment below!
My response:
This is definitely a tough bunch of questions. Let me start off by saying that I've never had a relaxer so to say. When I was in the third grade I had a texturizer (a weaker version of a perm). In fact the texturizer made my hair even harder to manage than before. It left my hair in 983245987345 more textures than I already had. I mean I had big sections that were chemically dead straight and other sections that were kinky & curly. To make matters worse, I swam EVERY day in a chlorinated pool. As a 7/8 year old, I knew nothing about the damaging effects of combining chlorine with the sodium hydroxide in a relaxer. Because all my white friends could swim in the pool without a swim cap, I thought I was "invincible" and could do the same. Well to make a long story short, in less than two years my hair went from being several inches above my rear end to an inch below my ear lobe. Needless to say it was not a good look.
As far as your sew-ins are concerned, I think that it's smart that you're leaving your hair in sew-ins while you are growing out your hair. I grew my hair back in a way similar to how you're doing it. I kept my hair in micro braids from the time I was in fourth grade to the time that I was in 9th grade. Boy did it make a difference! My hair grew back faster, longer and stronger. Then halfway through the 9th grade I was introduced to the flat iron & the damage, although not as severe, returned. You will find that your hair will grow much faster in a sew-in because you are not manipulating it on a daily basis. & don't worry about not moisturizing it like you would when your hair is loose in an afro. The main reason that you have to moisturize so often with an afro or a loose natural hairstyle is because more moisture escapes your hair as it is exposed to different environments throughout the day. But because your hair is protected in a sew-in, not as much moisture will escape. Just make sure to moisturize any hair left loose on top of your head to cover up the tracks. If you feel that you are spending too much money on sew-ins, I completely understand. However, do realize that the extra money spent on sew-ins will be worth the rate that your hair grows. Your hair may suffer a little bit of damage from the tugging and tension that a sew-in puts on your hair, but compare that to the damage that a perm can cause...
When concerning the price of being natural, I think that there is a major problem if you are spending more money as a natural than you were when relaxed. So don't be concerned about the price, because I can guarantee that it won't be as much as your sew-ins. Going natural is all about trial & erorr so as a beginner you'll probably find that this is when you'll spend the most money. But as you find products that you like & as you discover what works best for your hair, you'll see that you won't be spending so much money. My advice is to find a friend who is natural & swap items. If you buy a conditioner that doesn't work out, swap it with something that she doesn't want and it's a win-win situation for both of y'all. Don't be shy...I can guarantee you that everyone has something sitting around in their bathroom that they no longer use on their hair. Or just ask your friend for a sample of her favorite hair product & if you like it buy yourself some! Some of my staple hair products started out as a little sample in a plastic bag that I borrowed from a friend. Also don't be so quick to toss out some of the products that you used when your hair was relaxed. They may still work just as well natural. My suggestion is that you start cheap & work your way up as far as prices go for products. The first natural hair products that I used were Suave products. They work just as well as anything else (don't believe the myth that "certain products don't work on black hair"). Plus, you can't beat the $2 price. Or if you really don't wanna spend a lot of money, head straight to the kitchen. lol. You'd be surprised how many household cooking items work just as well in your hair. (ex: apple cider vinegar for a clarifying shampoo, honey & mayo for conditioner & olive oil/coconut oil for a leave in). But if you're not too comfortable with that and buying products seems more simple/safe, choose to spend the most money on your conditioners/leave-in. They are most valuable to the growth and maintenance of your hair. A friend of mine suggested that you also try Shea Moisture or Giovanni products, which she gets from target. They run from $8-$10. (For specific products that I use refer to some of my past posts. They are categorized by labels to the left). But your natural hair care routine should never put a dent in your wallet!
As far as wearing your afro for the first time, I always remind my friends who worry about how they will look that this is the hair that God blessed you with and it is beautiful no matter what shape, length or texture. That's the most important thing to remember when wearing your hair loose. Also, always remember that you wear your hair natural for YOU, not anyone else. In that case forget what anyone has to say about your hair. The hardest part about going natural is taking that first step out in public with your new hair. But trust me, you're going to be surprised at how many people admire rather than despise your hair. You'll feel silly for worrying so much! My suggestion is to wear it loose around the house for the first couple of days & experiment to find a style that you feel most confident with. Then if you're still not feeling too confident when you find the style that you like, wear it somewhere in public but not around too many people. For example the first time that I rocked my hair in public was on a walk at a park with my neighbor. I told my mom that, "I'm just gonna do it" and walked out the house without a hair band. My neighbor loved it & I enjoyed the attention from others. You'll find that each time it gets easier. I actually find it amusing to see how people react to my hair. Some people look amazed while other people look at me like they've never seen a black girl with natural hair before! It's hilarious if you ask me. This may sound contradictory, but the most important thing to remember is that YOU have to feel confident in your hair. When you exude confidence, others will sense that & in my opinion confidence is what makes you beautiful, not your hair.
Finally, I know that it seems overwhelming to have to start all over again and create a new natural hair care regimen. But like I said before, trial & error is the only way to develop your own personal natural hair care routine & you'll never know what your hair is capable of until you try. Perhaps you can rock your fro for a couple of months & switch back to a sew-in for a couple of months until you feel that you've got a handle on managing your hair. My suggestion is to peruse through YouTube, other natural hair blogs, and natural community facebook pages.My favorites are curlynikki.com, naturallycurly.com & urbanbushbabes.com (but there are thousands of other sites as well). There are sooooooooooooooooooooo many wonderful tips out there & so many girls/guys that are experiencing the same fears/emotions as you. I created an account on YouTube & I add all of my favorite natural hair videos into a playlist and watch them OVER AND OVER. You'll find that each time you watch the video you'll learn something new...seriously. Don't be afraid to try new things. I always try new hairstyles on Saturdays (during the school year) or free days during the summer (just in case it doesn't turn out as planned). You'll see that with time it will get easier to manage your hair. Trust me, there are still times when I freak out because I still don't feel like I completely know what to do with my hair. Just remember that patience is a virtue (I think that expression was made to describe our hair haha!). With a little bit of patience & a little bit of time, you'll find that your hair isn't quite as frightening as it seems.
I hope that this answers your questions & I have faith in your natural hair journey.
Keep it natural,
Jackie
